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Become More Patient

In this meditation, we'll practice becoming a more patient parent and partner.

Hi, in this session, we're going to discuss and practice the art of patience. As a parent, your patience is tested not only on a daily basis, but on a moment-to-moment basis. So if you feel like you struggle with patience, just know you're in good company. Let's start by looking at what impatience is. On the most granular level it is a refusal or inability to be with the moment as it is.

Something is uncomfortable, triggering, it activates your nervous system in some way. And then something in you says, I need to react immediately. And usually that happens unconsciously on autopilot, which is why you might say something or do something that later you regret. But in the moment it didn't feel like there was much of a choice. So at the heart of training patience, we're really building our nervous system's capacity to be with something that feels uncomfortable in the moment.

The better able we are to feel what is present with a quality of spaciousness and grounded-ness, the better we'll be able to respond intentionally rather than reactive. There's that famous quote often attributed to Victor Frankl that says, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. And in our response lies our growth and our freedom." So we need to train ourselves to be aware and present when there is a stimuli so that we can respond intentionally rather than reactively on autopilot. So in today's meditation, that's what we're going to practice doing.

So if you haven't already done so, you can find a comfortable posture. One that will enable you to sit more still than you might typically sit in meditation. In other words, just make sure you're comfortable. If it feels okay to do so, you can close your eyes. And we'll take one deep breath together.

In through the nose. Slowly out through the mouth. Inviting the jaw to soften. The shoulders. And the belly.

So we're going to explore something I call statue meditation, which is the commitment to be perfectly still in our meditation posture. The way this trains patience is by asking you to be with discomforts that arise without immediately getting rid of them, turning away from them, or reacting. When you make the commitment to stillness, you're asking yourself to be with what arises without following your normal impulses. If there's an itch, you're practicing relaxing into the itch rather than scratching it. If there's a little discomfort in the knee, you're practicing being with that for a period of time, rather than immediately getting up.

And if you feel bored, you're practicing being with the energy of boredom, rather than trying to find something more stimulating. Although this might not be as significant of a stimulus as something that might arise during your parenting, you're training yourself on small levels to be with discomfort, which is like a psychological vaccination for your mind. So in a moment, I'll count down from three. It will give you an opportunity to find a posture that you want to commit to for about five minutes. And then once I count down to one, you're just going to stay perfectly still like a statue and I'll guide you through it once we're there.

Okay. Starting in three, two, and one. All right. So whatever posture you're in right now, this is going to be your statue meditation posture. Not moving any fingers, not wiggling the toes, not even adjusting the tongue.

There will, of course, still be movement in the belly that you notice. So let your breathing be easy. And instead of tensing your muscles in order to be still, you can relax your body into stillness. So this is not a forceful kind of stillness. It's a relaxed awareness.

And while you're here, you can bring your attention to a focus point such as the breath. Letting your attention rest there. Now the key thing here is that it's almost inevitable that some bit of discomfort will arise. It might not be extreme. But it could be the impulse to stand up, the impulse to maybe go to the bathroom.

Maybe you do notice an itch or a slight discomfort that you want to adjust. Even the impulse to swallow. You can explore not immediately reacting to that. It will feel quite uncomfortable. In fact, your brain might even say, you need to do this.

So see how long you can be in that moment of discomfort. Not gritting your teeth through it, but relaxing into the discomfort. This is how you train your nervous system to be with sensation, intense sensation, in a grounded embodied way. So when you notice these things arise, just take a breath, relax into them. And then when the intensity softens, just come back to your breath.

Letting that be your anchor point. I'll give you a little bit of time in silence to practice. Just continue to monitor if you're creating tension for yourself by forcing stillness. And instead keep dropping back into relaxed awareness around whatever the discomfort is or the impulse. It's one thing to apply willpower, which tends to be less sustainable.

It's another thing to learn to be with the intensity of the sensation and for the rest of your being to relax into that, that's sustainable, that allows you to respond intentionally. So we have about 30 more seconds. For these 30 seconds, see if you can be as still as possible. As if you were a statue. Okay.

So in 3, 2, 1, you can let yourself move again. But instead of doing a big impulsive movement to get all the energy out, see if you can do it intentionally, so that again, you're not reacting to the buildup, you're meeting it and responding. Let's take one more deep breath together. In through the nose. And slowly out.

And if you're ready, you can let your eyes open. All right. So this was our training impatience. At the end of the day, this is what it comes down to. Your nervous system's capacity to be with something that is uncomfortable.

It doesn't mean you don't respond by putting up a boundary. It doesn't mean that you don't say something in an assertive way. It's just giving you the ability to be in an uncomfortable moment and respond intentionally rather than reactively. All of that is happening at the level of the nervous system. So, if you found this useful, keep trying it out.

It's something you can do each day. And if you stick with it, you will see this start to impact your ability to respond more intentionally in the moments where you need that the most. So thanks for practicing. Thanks for training your nervous system. This is big work and it's important.

I look forward to talking to you again soon. And until then, take care.

Meditation

4.7

Become More Patient

In this meditation, we'll practice becoming a more patient parent and partner.

Duration

Your default time is based on your progress and is changed automatically as you practice.

Hi, in this session, we're going to discuss and practice the art of patience. As a parent, your patience is tested not only on a daily basis, but on a moment-to-moment basis. So if you feel like you struggle with patience, just know you're in good company. Let's start by looking at what impatience is. On the most granular level it is a refusal or inability to be with the moment as it is.

Something is uncomfortable, triggering, it activates your nervous system in some way. And then something in you says, I need to react immediately. And usually that happens unconsciously on autopilot, which is why you might say something or do something that later you regret. But in the moment it didn't feel like there was much of a choice. So at the heart of training patience, we're really building our nervous system's capacity to be with something that feels uncomfortable in the moment.

The better able we are to feel what is present with a quality of spaciousness and grounded-ness, the better we'll be able to respond intentionally rather than reactive. There's that famous quote often attributed to Victor Frankl that says, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. And in our response lies our growth and our freedom." So we need to train ourselves to be aware and present when there is a stimuli so that we can respond intentionally rather than reactively on autopilot. So in today's meditation, that's what we're going to practice doing.

So if you haven't already done so, you can find a comfortable posture. One that will enable you to sit more still than you might typically sit in meditation. In other words, just make sure you're comfortable. If it feels okay to do so, you can close your eyes. And we'll take one deep breath together.

In through the nose. Slowly out through the mouth. Inviting the jaw to soften. The shoulders. And the belly.

So we're going to explore something I call statue meditation, which is the commitment to be perfectly still in our meditation posture. The way this trains patience is by asking you to be with discomforts that arise without immediately getting rid of them, turning away from them, or reacting. When you make the commitment to stillness, you're asking yourself to be with what arises without following your normal impulses. If there's an itch, you're practicing relaxing into the itch rather than scratching it. If there's a little discomfort in the knee, you're practicing being with that for a period of time, rather than immediately getting up.

And if you feel bored, you're practicing being with the energy of boredom, rather than trying to find something more stimulating. Although this might not be as significant of a stimulus as something that might arise during your parenting, you're training yourself on small levels to be with discomfort, which is like a psychological vaccination for your mind. So in a moment, I'll count down from three. It will give you an opportunity to find a posture that you want to commit to for about five minutes. And then once I count down to one, you're just going to stay perfectly still like a statue and I'll guide you through it once we're there.

Okay. Starting in three, two, and one. All right. So whatever posture you're in right now, this is going to be your statue meditation posture. Not moving any fingers, not wiggling the toes, not even adjusting the tongue.

There will, of course, still be movement in the belly that you notice. So let your breathing be easy. And instead of tensing your muscles in order to be still, you can relax your body into stillness. So this is not a forceful kind of stillness. It's a relaxed awareness.

And while you're here, you can bring your attention to a focus point such as the breath. Letting your attention rest there. Now the key thing here is that it's almost inevitable that some bit of discomfort will arise. It might not be extreme. But it could be the impulse to stand up, the impulse to maybe go to the bathroom.

Maybe you do notice an itch or a slight discomfort that you want to adjust. Even the impulse to swallow. You can explore not immediately reacting to that. It will feel quite uncomfortable. In fact, your brain might even say, you need to do this.

So see how long you can be in that moment of discomfort. Not gritting your teeth through it, but relaxing into the discomfort. This is how you train your nervous system to be with sensation, intense sensation, in a grounded embodied way. So when you notice these things arise, just take a breath, relax into them. And then when the intensity softens, just come back to your breath.

Letting that be your anchor point. I'll give you a little bit of time in silence to practice. Just continue to monitor if you're creating tension for yourself by forcing stillness. And instead keep dropping back into relaxed awareness around whatever the discomfort is or the impulse. It's one thing to apply willpower, which tends to be less sustainable.

It's another thing to learn to be with the intensity of the sensation and for the rest of your being to relax into that, that's sustainable, that allows you to respond intentionally. So we have about 30 more seconds. For these 30 seconds, see if you can be as still as possible. As if you were a statue. Okay.

So in 3, 2, 1, you can let yourself move again. But instead of doing a big impulsive movement to get all the energy out, see if you can do it intentionally, so that again, you're not reacting to the buildup, you're meeting it and responding. Let's take one more deep breath together. In through the nose. And slowly out.

And if you're ready, you can let your eyes open. All right. So this was our training impatience. At the end of the day, this is what it comes down to. Your nervous system's capacity to be with something that is uncomfortable.

It doesn't mean you don't respond by putting up a boundary. It doesn't mean that you don't say something in an assertive way. It's just giving you the ability to be in an uncomfortable moment and respond intentionally rather than reactively. All of that is happening at the level of the nervous system. So, if you found this useful, keep trying it out.

It's something you can do each day. And if you stick with it, you will see this start to impact your ability to respond more intentionally in the moments where you need that the most. So thanks for practicing. Thanks for training your nervous system. This is big work and it's important.

I look forward to talking to you again soon. And until then, take care.

Meditation

4.7

Duration

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