Try free for 7 days.

Mindfulness.com
Meditation
See all Meditation

Browse

Top articles

How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners

10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation

What is Meditation?

Mindful LivingSleep
Community

Already have an account?

Sign in

00:00

00:00

Why We Self-Sabotage

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Welcome back to your Daily Mindfulness. In today's session, we're going to discuss why we often self-sabotage the good things in our life. First thing to keep in mind is that your nervous system seeks out what's familiar, not what's good for you. It's a confusing thing. Why do we fall into the same patterns over and over again? We know this kind of person isn't good for us and yet we repeatedly date people just like them.

It's important to remember that our nervous systems are often trying to take us into a space that's familiar, not what our logical brain thinks is good for us. In the world of the nervous system, familiar equals comfort, and it wants comfort. So going back to the example above, let's say you're trying to break the pattern of falling into abusive relationships. You know that person isn't good for you, but you keep going back to them and people just like them. Well, ask yourself, did you grow up around people who were similar? Were your parents abusive in any way? Is that sort of person what you're more familiar with or all, you know? Did you grow up in a household that had uncertainty, instability, noise and maybe chaos? Perhaps you hated it? You may have even promised yourself that you will never live like that again, or surround yourself with people like that.

However, this is what your nervous system adapted to as familiar. It's what it knows. When there isn't that chaos and uncertainty, it's a new experience and it doesn't know as well how to react or how to be comfortable and quiet, calm, and even security. So what happens? You find someone that is more grounded and calm, spend some time with them and then leave. You know, you usually say they're boring or it just doesn't feel right, it's kind of uncomfortable.

But this is your nervous system trying to get back to what it knows. There are different ways to break this pattern, but in general, it's helping the nervous system adjust to and appreciate new territory. And this is one of the powerful things about meditation. In meditation, we notice all of our usual desires, our versions, our needs and wants and allow ourselves to find grounding amid all of this. There's a new peace that arises.

One that is not contingent upon riding the emotional rollercoaster. And in the context of our example, from this new place of peace, you're more likely to value the company of someone similar to that, if that's what you're looking for. So notice where you might be getting caught in patterns of self-sabotage in your own life and see if you can examine that. And does it look like your nervous system might be seeking out what's familiar rather than what you want. And practice being with the thing that you want.

Notice the resistance to it, maybe some of the discomfort and just practice settling into it. Over time, that will become the nervous system's new default interest, if you will. As always, thank you for your practice. I appreciate your time and I'll talk to you soon. Take care.

Cory Muscara

4.8

Why We Self-Sabotage

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Duration

Your default time is based on your progress and is changed automatically as you practice.

Welcome back to your Daily Mindfulness. In today's session, we're going to discuss why we often self-sabotage the good things in our life. First thing to keep in mind is that your nervous system seeks out what's familiar, not what's good for you. It's a confusing thing. Why do we fall into the same patterns over and over again? We know this kind of person isn't good for us and yet we repeatedly date people just like them.

It's important to remember that our nervous systems are often trying to take us into a space that's familiar, not what our logical brain thinks is good for us. In the world of the nervous system, familiar equals comfort, and it wants comfort. So going back to the example above, let's say you're trying to break the pattern of falling into abusive relationships. You know that person isn't good for you, but you keep going back to them and people just like them. Well, ask yourself, did you grow up around people who were similar? Were your parents abusive in any way? Is that sort of person what you're more familiar with or all, you know? Did you grow up in a household that had uncertainty, instability, noise and maybe chaos? Perhaps you hated it? You may have even promised yourself that you will never live like that again, or surround yourself with people like that.

However, this is what your nervous system adapted to as familiar. It's what it knows. When there isn't that chaos and uncertainty, it's a new experience and it doesn't know as well how to react or how to be comfortable and quiet, calm, and even security. So what happens? You find someone that is more grounded and calm, spend some time with them and then leave. You know, you usually say they're boring or it just doesn't feel right, it's kind of uncomfortable.

But this is your nervous system trying to get back to what it knows. There are different ways to break this pattern, but in general, it's helping the nervous system adjust to and appreciate new territory. And this is one of the powerful things about meditation. In meditation, we notice all of our usual desires, our versions, our needs and wants and allow ourselves to find grounding amid all of this. There's a new peace that arises.

One that is not contingent upon riding the emotional rollercoaster. And in the context of our example, from this new place of peace, you're more likely to value the company of someone similar to that, if that's what you're looking for. So notice where you might be getting caught in patterns of self-sabotage in your own life and see if you can examine that. And does it look like your nervous system might be seeking out what's familiar rather than what you want. And practice being with the thing that you want.

Notice the resistance to it, maybe some of the discomfort and just practice settling into it. Over time, that will become the nervous system's new default interest, if you will. As always, thank you for your practice. I appreciate your time and I'll talk to you soon. Take care.

Cory Muscara

4.8

Duration

Play in-app

Scan the following QR code with your camera app to open it on our mobile app

Get Unlimited Access

Start your mindfulness journey today.

A Mindfulness Plus+ subscription gives you unlimited access to a world of premium mindfulness content.

  • Over 1,800 meditations, sleep, calm music, naturescapes and more
  • Daily mindfulness video meditations 365 days a year
  • 100s of courses and tools to help manage anxiety, sleep and stress

Email Missing

We couldn’t detect your email with the SSO provider you have selected.
or

Mindfulness Guarantee

We are here to make a positive impact on the world. We never want to sell you something that hasn’t helped you live a better life. That’s why if you’re unhappy with any purchase from us, you have 30 days to get a full refund and your money back.

If you subscribed to Mindfulness Plus+ and are unhappy with your purchase, please get in contact with us within the 30-day period and we’ll refund your purchase.


Learn more about our Mindfulness Guarantee.

Mindfulness

Bring balance into your everyday life.

We believe in a world where everybody has access to the life-changing skills of mindfulness.

  • 2,000+ Guided Meditations
  • Daily Coaching
  • Sleep Content
  • Mindful Exercises
  • Mindful Radio
  • 10+ Courses from world-class teachers

Private Browsing

Added to your cart!

Checkout

Thank you for joining us

Congratulations on your subscription! Dive into the full library and enjoy all it has to offer.

Claim your free access

Create a mindfulness account and we’ll unlock this premium session in your account forever.

or continue with
By continuing, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy.

Do you already have an account?

Start a free trial to play this session

7-Days free trial, cancel anytime.

Finish personalizing your account

Complete a few quick questions to make your own personalized mindfulness plan.

Sign up or login to your mindfulness account to proceed.

or continue with
By continuing, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy.

Do you already have an account?

Mindfulness

One membership to gain access to a world of premium mindfulness content created to help you live happier and stress less.

  • 2000+ Guided Meditations
  • Courses from world-class teachers
  • Resources for Stress + Anxiety
  • Breathing exercises, gratitude practices, relaxation techniques
  • Sleep meditations, playlists, stories
  • Mindful talks, podcasts, music, nature sounds