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Transforming Hard Feelings

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today I'm going to talk about how we can transform hard feelings towards others. So did you know that a rattlesnake, if cornered, often becomes so angry and agitated that it will bite itself. This is a great metaphor for what the harboring of hate and resentment against others is like. It's a biting and a harming of ourselves.

We often think that we're harming others in holding onto this kind of ill will, but the deeper harm we really are doing to ourselves. So, if we feel hostility towards someone, perhaps someone who's harmed us or let us down, or a difficult person in our lives, how do we get past these emotions? Goodwill and ill will in the end, just come down to your own intention and mindset. You can have goodwill and intent towards others, or you can have ill will and intent towards others. It's really a choice. If you have feelings of ill will, you'll almost certainly create vicious cycles of negativity and anger within yourself and probably in relationship to the other.

Goodwill, however, breeds understanding, peace and healing and connection both within and without. And when we focus continuously on the hate or disdain we feel for another, we tend to focus on their bad qualities and justify our position over and over again in our mind. We make the other wrong or bad and ourselves right and good in the stories we replay in the mind. So one strategy to heal the loops of hatred and transform hard feelings is to reflect on the good qualities of that person. Perhaps we can recall a brief moment where we saw this person being kind, helpful or cooperative.

Secondly, we can also acknowledge that this person has suffering. We can understand that despite their mistakes and flaws, this person probably truly does want to be happy like we all do. But probably their unawareness and suffering led them to do what they did. So, if we can see this person through the eyes of understanding like this, we see that we're only wishing harm towards someone who's probably already suffering and harming themselves. And perhaps we can even begin to extend wishes of loving kindness instead of wishes of harm, wishes that their suffering may ease instead of continue.

This can be really challenging, right? I know because we don't really want to let go of our hostility. But in the end, this letting go of hard feelings is a gift we give to ourselves because we begin to fill our own mind and body with the energies of kindness and compassion. So in today's meditation, we'll take some time to let go of hostility and generate loving kindness. But also today, see if you can notice when even the smallest bit of hard feelings comes up and remember to ponder this other person's good qualities and their suffering and see if you can soften and transform those hard feelings into goodwill and kindness. So as always thank you for doing this work.

Thank you for your practice and now inviting you to settle in for today's meditation.

Melli O'Brien

4.7

Transforming Hard Feelings

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Duration

Your default time is based on your progress and is changed automatically as you practice.

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today I'm going to talk about how we can transform hard feelings towards others. So did you know that a rattlesnake, if cornered, often becomes so angry and agitated that it will bite itself. This is a great metaphor for what the harboring of hate and resentment against others is like. It's a biting and a harming of ourselves.

We often think that we're harming others in holding onto this kind of ill will, but the deeper harm we really are doing to ourselves. So, if we feel hostility towards someone, perhaps someone who's harmed us or let us down, or a difficult person in our lives, how do we get past these emotions? Goodwill and ill will in the end, just come down to your own intention and mindset. You can have goodwill and intent towards others, or you can have ill will and intent towards others. It's really a choice. If you have feelings of ill will, you'll almost certainly create vicious cycles of negativity and anger within yourself and probably in relationship to the other.

Goodwill, however, breeds understanding, peace and healing and connection both within and without. And when we focus continuously on the hate or disdain we feel for another, we tend to focus on their bad qualities and justify our position over and over again in our mind. We make the other wrong or bad and ourselves right and good in the stories we replay in the mind. So one strategy to heal the loops of hatred and transform hard feelings is to reflect on the good qualities of that person. Perhaps we can recall a brief moment where we saw this person being kind, helpful or cooperative.

Secondly, we can also acknowledge that this person has suffering. We can understand that despite their mistakes and flaws, this person probably truly does want to be happy like we all do. But probably their unawareness and suffering led them to do what they did. So, if we can see this person through the eyes of understanding like this, we see that we're only wishing harm towards someone who's probably already suffering and harming themselves. And perhaps we can even begin to extend wishes of loving kindness instead of wishes of harm, wishes that their suffering may ease instead of continue.

This can be really challenging, right? I know because we don't really want to let go of our hostility. But in the end, this letting go of hard feelings is a gift we give to ourselves because we begin to fill our own mind and body with the energies of kindness and compassion. So in today's meditation, we'll take some time to let go of hostility and generate loving kindness. But also today, see if you can notice when even the smallest bit of hard feelings comes up and remember to ponder this other person's good qualities and their suffering and see if you can soften and transform those hard feelings into goodwill and kindness. So as always thank you for doing this work.

Thank you for your practice and now inviting you to settle in for today's meditation.

Melli O'Brien

4.7

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