Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today, I'm going to talk about the difference between a criticism and a complaint. So maybe when you think about a complaint versus a criticism, you think that they're kind of the same thing, but actually there's a huge difference. And being clear on the difference can make a really big difference to all of your relationships in life. So no matter how much you love someone, eventually the people we spend a lot of time with will do something that probably annoys us, right? We all go through this.

But how we handle those moments when someone rubs us up the wrong way can make a huge difference to how harmonious and satisfying our relationships are. Mindful communication here is key. And so what I invite you to try when expressing frustrations with loved ones is to let your complaint be known when needed. And from time to time, it will be needed, but don't criticize. So what's the difference? A criticism is a negative comment that is somewhat of an attack on a person's personality, history, or character.

With criticism, there's really nothing a person can do to help change things. They simply feel judged, blamed, or attacked usually. Complaints, however, are specifically about a person's behavior and that behavior has a specific time and place. So with complaints, there's no attack, but there is a very direct focus on the actual problem that's bothering you. So, an example, let's say you were meeting your partner for a date at a really nice restaurant.

They're late, 20 minutes late and you're hungry. So you're feeling agitated. And let's say, when they arrive, you say something like, you're always late, you're more interested in your work than you are in me. You just don't care anymore. That is a criticism.

It's a comment on someone's character rather than a behavior. A complaint might sound like this, I'm so frustrated right now because you're late. I'm sitting here all alone for 20 minutes. And this is the third time that this has happened on date night. So with this complaint, with any complaint, you're just talking about the behavior that caused you to feel upset without attacking the person.

So with a complaint, what you can do is you just let the other person know how you're feeling, and then describe the behavior that led you to that feeling. So trying to speak in I statements. So I feel this emotion, when this behavior happened. Then you can also ask for the behavior to change. So for instance, in the example, I just gave you, you could add, would you please make an extra effort to turn up to our dates on time? It would really mean a lot to me.

So a criticism usually, if not always, leads to an argument because the other person is going to feel defensive and judged. A complaint speaks clearly about what's bothering you and opens the way for understanding, resolution and change. Today's invitation is this. The next time someone annoys you or frustrates you, just take a pause and see if you can let them know your complaint without criticizing. I really wish you well with this practice.

Thank you for doing this inner and outer work in the world. Let's settle in for today's meditation.