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Say What You Need

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today, I'm going to talk about the importance of saying what you need. So this sounds really simple, right? Just say what you need, but often we try to communicate what we need to someone else it doesn't come out the way we would have intended it to. Let's say you've had a long day at work. You're tired and you're getting ready to go home.

And then your boss comes and tells you that he wants a whole bunch of stuff done by tomorrow morning. And this is the third time this week that he's done this. In that moment, you feel stressed, you feel frustrated, you feel angry. So maybe in that moment, you snap rudely at your boss or you smile politely and then just do what he wants you to do. But underneath you're simmering with anger and resentment.

Now you might hold in this resentment. You might even talk about the boss behind his back saying how rude they are or whatever. You might even confront him with criticism or accusation. But what about this instead, what if you simply say what you need? So instead of talking about what the other person is doing wrong, just talk about what you need. So this avoids any sense of criticism, blame, resentment, or judgment, and simply just tells this person what you need to make things better.

So it's always great to talk about your own feelings and needs using I statements. For instance, you could say something like this, when you bring extra work to me at the end of the day, without notice, I feel really frustrated and stressed. And I'm wondering if you'd be willing to bring things earlier to me so I don't have to work overtime because I really need rest and balance in my life. So by expressing like this, what you actually need from the other, instead of what you don't like, or you don't want, the other person actually has a chance to understand what's happening for you and they have an opportunity to help you and really hear you. So within every negative emotion that we have, there's usually some kind of unfulfilled need.

So if you take the time to find out what that is for you, then you can communicate it with care, with compassion, with mindfulness. And then you open that space for understanding, collaboration and resolution. Now, this really is a small change in communication that can make a huge difference in your life. So I encourage you to try this out today, if you get the opportunity. So today's invitation tune into your needs and say what you need and say it with as much compassion, kindness as you can muster.

As always, thank you for your practice and your presence here with us. And now let's settle in for today's meditation.

Melli O'Brien

4.7

Say What You Need

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Duration

Your default time is based on your progress and is changed automatically as you practice.

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today, I'm going to talk about the importance of saying what you need. So this sounds really simple, right? Just say what you need, but often we try to communicate what we need to someone else it doesn't come out the way we would have intended it to. Let's say you've had a long day at work. You're tired and you're getting ready to go home.

And then your boss comes and tells you that he wants a whole bunch of stuff done by tomorrow morning. And this is the third time this week that he's done this. In that moment, you feel stressed, you feel frustrated, you feel angry. So maybe in that moment, you snap rudely at your boss or you smile politely and then just do what he wants you to do. But underneath you're simmering with anger and resentment.

Now you might hold in this resentment. You might even talk about the boss behind his back saying how rude they are or whatever. You might even confront him with criticism or accusation. But what about this instead, what if you simply say what you need? So instead of talking about what the other person is doing wrong, just talk about what you need. So this avoids any sense of criticism, blame, resentment, or judgment, and simply just tells this person what you need to make things better.

So it's always great to talk about your own feelings and needs using I statements. For instance, you could say something like this, when you bring extra work to me at the end of the day, without notice, I feel really frustrated and stressed. And I'm wondering if you'd be willing to bring things earlier to me so I don't have to work overtime because I really need rest and balance in my life. So by expressing like this, what you actually need from the other, instead of what you don't like, or you don't want, the other person actually has a chance to understand what's happening for you and they have an opportunity to help you and really hear you. So within every negative emotion that we have, there's usually some kind of unfulfilled need.

So if you take the time to find out what that is for you, then you can communicate it with care, with compassion, with mindfulness. And then you open that space for understanding, collaboration and resolution. Now, this really is a small change in communication that can make a huge difference in your life. So I encourage you to try this out today, if you get the opportunity. So today's invitation tune into your needs and say what you need and say it with as much compassion, kindness as you can muster.

As always, thank you for your practice and your presence here with us. And now let's settle in for today's meditation.

Melli O'Brien

4.7

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