Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today we're going to talk about how perfectionism is the destroyer of love. Now you might be thinking, Hey, Melli, that's a pretty strong statement, right? Perfectionism is the destroyer of love. But hey, hear me out a little. Let's just explore this idea a little here.

So when we're in pursuit of perfection, whatever our particular idea of that is, what we're usually doing is that we're looking at something or perhaps someone, perhaps ourselves through a lens of a comparing mind, a critical mind, or a judgmental mind. In other words, we do not accept them as they are, and that inhibits our ability to love them just as they are. So we might look at someone for instance, but then we have this idea of how we think they should be different. So instead of accepting them, just as they are, we compare them to our idea of how they should be better. And in the moment we do that, you might notice this in your own life, there's a little bit of inner tension created between you two.

Yeah? A little bit of a closing down or a walling off. We don't accept them just as they are. We want to change them, fix them, or maybe we have a secret agenda to get them to do more of what we would like them to do, more of what we want. So we do this kind of thing to ourselves too, right? We have this kind of mental measuring stick or mental yardstick in where we compare ourselves and judge where we are on that yard stick. You know, we kind of measure where we are in that yard stick in terms of looks money, success, and we try to often edge our way closer to perfection, whatever our idea of that is.

When we're overlaying the comparing and critical mind onto our view of ourselves and each other in life, we always see things as less than, or not good enough or in need of fixing. And then we never see the perfection that's right there in front of our eyes. And what do I mean by the perfection right there in front of our eyes? Well, there's another way of looking at things, a mindset that's free of comparison or judgment that might see things, and everything is perfect just as it is. Even with all the cracks and floors and apparent imperfections. In that case, we would just accept wholeheartedly whatever, or whoever's there in front of our eyes.

And what follows that kind of unconditional acceptance of course is love. In fact, the Dalai Lama, when he was once asked, what is love, he simply replied love is the absence of judgment. So the truth is we're not really seeing things clearly when we're looking through the eyes of perfectionism. We're not really seeing the other person or ourselves as we are in that moment. And then we always feel tension, resentment, and stress when we're living in that way.

So I invite you to try out being an imperfectionist. See if you can practice unconditional acceptance and the softening of comparison and judgment. If we can let go of the idea of perfection, then we can make more space in our lives for authentic wholehearted connection and love in our lives. So enjoy your practice of being an imperfectionist. I hope it serves you well.

And I just invite you now to settle in for today's practice. And as always, thank you for your practice and your presence here with us.