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Letting Go of Blame

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today I'm going to talk about letting go of blame. So we've probably all experienced times where we feel hurt, disappointment and our first instinct is to start pointing the finger. This is blame. And we've all done.

It we've all been there. It's the habit of making other people or other things wrong or responsible when difficult or painful things happen. So according to research, professor, author, and speaker, Brené Brown, we mostly blame when we're in pain or angry. And she says, "Here's what we know from the research, blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain. And it has an inverse relationship with accountability.

Blaming is a way we mainly discharge anger." So the problem with blaming is two-fold. Firstly as Brené mentions here, blame has what she calls an inverse relationship with accountability, which means when we're stuck in blaming, we get defensive. And so we miss out on an opportunity to look honestly and gently at ourselves and the part that we had to play in things and how we might learn and grow from all of this. Instead what we do in our minds, we do this kind of thing where we create wrongdoers and rightdoers, and this kind of black and white. And we might even feel justified to punish and attack.

We'll get revenge on the other side. We also get stuck in as you know, a lot of negativity and anger. Second problem with blaming is we also miss out on the possibility of having an honest, open and empathetic conversation to hold people accountable for their actions and ask for change. So holding people accountable takes a lot more grit, courage, kindness, and self-awareness than blaming, shaming, attacking or fault finding. So here's the takeaway.

The moment that we place blame, we also undermine our resolve to create change both within and without. So it's fundamentally a really disempowering thing to do to ourselves. In the words of Andy Stanley, "People who blame things, rarely change things. Blame is an unassailable change avoidance strategy." But the moment we take back our personal responsibility, we also take back our power because we are grounding ourselves here in presence, compassion, integrity, and acceptance. And when we take action from that state of being, we get a whole different result.

And, you know, I know this is not easy. I can attest to that firsthand. But I can also attest to the fact that it's incredibly empowering, loving, and healing to take back our power in this way. So by stepping out of the blame game, we break the cycle of attack and defense, promote peace within ourselves, with each other and with the world. So the next time you feel that urge to place blame, just seeing, if you can take a pause, take a gentle look at what part you might've had to play in things and be curious and open to how you might learn and grow from the experience.

And if communication is needed with the other person, go ahead and do that with compassion and clarity and non-judgment, and open-heartedness as best you can. It's a practice. So in today's meditation, we'll continue to cultivate this attitude of non-judgment. So I invite you to settle in for that now. And as always, thank you sincerely for doing this work.

Thank you for your practice and for your presence here with us.

Melli O'Brien

4.7

Letting Go of Blame

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Duration

Your default time is based on your progress and is changed automatically as you practice.

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today I'm going to talk about letting go of blame. So we've probably all experienced times where we feel hurt, disappointment and our first instinct is to start pointing the finger. This is blame. And we've all done.

It we've all been there. It's the habit of making other people or other things wrong or responsible when difficult or painful things happen. So according to research, professor, author, and speaker, Brené Brown, we mostly blame when we're in pain or angry. And she says, "Here's what we know from the research, blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain. And it has an inverse relationship with accountability.

Blaming is a way we mainly discharge anger." So the problem with blaming is two-fold. Firstly as Brené mentions here, blame has what she calls an inverse relationship with accountability, which means when we're stuck in blaming, we get defensive. And so we miss out on an opportunity to look honestly and gently at ourselves and the part that we had to play in things and how we might learn and grow from all of this. Instead what we do in our minds, we do this kind of thing where we create wrongdoers and rightdoers, and this kind of black and white. And we might even feel justified to punish and attack.

We'll get revenge on the other side. We also get stuck in as you know, a lot of negativity and anger. Second problem with blaming is we also miss out on the possibility of having an honest, open and empathetic conversation to hold people accountable for their actions and ask for change. So holding people accountable takes a lot more grit, courage, kindness, and self-awareness than blaming, shaming, attacking or fault finding. So here's the takeaway.

The moment that we place blame, we also undermine our resolve to create change both within and without. So it's fundamentally a really disempowering thing to do to ourselves. In the words of Andy Stanley, "People who blame things, rarely change things. Blame is an unassailable change avoidance strategy." But the moment we take back our personal responsibility, we also take back our power because we are grounding ourselves here in presence, compassion, integrity, and acceptance. And when we take action from that state of being, we get a whole different result.

And, you know, I know this is not easy. I can attest to that firsthand. But I can also attest to the fact that it's incredibly empowering, loving, and healing to take back our power in this way. So by stepping out of the blame game, we break the cycle of attack and defense, promote peace within ourselves, with each other and with the world. So the next time you feel that urge to place blame, just seeing, if you can take a pause, take a gentle look at what part you might've had to play in things and be curious and open to how you might learn and grow from the experience.

And if communication is needed with the other person, go ahead and do that with compassion and clarity and non-judgment, and open-heartedness as best you can. It's a practice. So in today's meditation, we'll continue to cultivate this attitude of non-judgment. So I invite you to settle in for that now. And as always, thank you sincerely for doing this work.

Thank you for your practice and for your presence here with us.

Melli O'Brien

4.7

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