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How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
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How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
Benefits of Mindfulness: Mindful Living Can Change Your Life
Mindfulness 101: A Beginner's Guide
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Hi, and welcome back to your Daily Mindfulness. In today's session, we're going to talk about how to hold space for someone going through something difficult. Since we're always interacting with other people, the ability to hold space for someone while they're going through something difficult is one of the greatest gifts you can offer another person. Whether it's your partner, children, friends, students, or colleagues, this is a powerful skill to have. And you can think about it even in your own life.
Anytime you've gone through something difficult, chances are there are those people you know who hold space for you to have those experiences. People you know who can listen and just be there with you, not trying to fix, judge you. They can just hold your pain with you. This is a powerful gift. But the first step to developing this capacity in you is to develop holding space for yourself.
That is, your capacity to hold space for another person's suffering is directly related to your capacity to hold space for your own suffering. So why is that? Well, to not hold space for your own suffering, which doesn't have to mean the greatest tragedy, it could just mean your own anger, grief, sadness, to not feel these things requires putting up some sort of armor. It requires shutting down some part of you. And it also requires continuously distracting yourself from that part of you by either staying busy or avoiding stillness. Because you know that if you get still or quiet enough, without your usual distraction, the stuff you've been running from will come to the surface.
So how does this relate to holding space for another person's suffering? Well, holding space for that person requires being present, deeply attuned, open, and having the capacity to stay with the person's pain without subconsciously trying to avoid it, which can often show up as trying to make things better for them or helping them think positive about the situation. And so if we haven't trained ourselves to hold this space for ourselves, we won't be able to hold it for another because the very presence that is required to be with another person's pain is the presence we develop by being with our own pain. And we'll subconsciously fear going into that territory with this person because we haven't yet done it with ourselves. This doesn't mean we have to have done all of our healing work in order to be useful to someone, but at the very least, we must have an awareness of where we haven't gone so that we don't let ourselves subconsciously block a person's journey of going through that themselves. And this often looks like, you know, if we're holding space for someone, we might say something like, Oh, you don't have to be sad.
Or, no, it'll be fine, don't worry. Or, how about we just go for a walk? Something that may be subtle and might even feel like it has a positive intention, but it's actually you trying to avoid the pain rather than them. And just to be clear, holding space doesn't mean we take on another person's suffering. You can have boundaries and you can be present to their pain without being consumed by it. And that's a capacity that we often first develop by doing it with ourselves.
So I hope this gives you something to think about next time you're with someone who's struggling. And the good news is that you're developing this capacity to hold space here at Mindfulness.com by going through it in your own meditation practice. So thank you for your practice and let's settle in for today's meditation.
Holding Space for Someone
Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:
Duration
Your default time is based on your progress and is changed automatically as you practice.
Hi, and welcome back to your Daily Mindfulness. In today's session, we're going to talk about how to hold space for someone going through something difficult. Since we're always interacting with other people, the ability to hold space for someone while they're going through something difficult is one of the greatest gifts you can offer another person. Whether it's your partner, children, friends, students, or colleagues, this is a powerful skill to have. And you can think about it even in your own life.
Anytime you've gone through something difficult, chances are there are those people you know who hold space for you to have those experiences. People you know who can listen and just be there with you, not trying to fix, judge you. They can just hold your pain with you. This is a powerful gift. But the first step to developing this capacity in you is to develop holding space for yourself.
That is, your capacity to hold space for another person's suffering is directly related to your capacity to hold space for your own suffering. So why is that? Well, to not hold space for your own suffering, which doesn't have to mean the greatest tragedy, it could just mean your own anger, grief, sadness, to not feel these things requires putting up some sort of armor. It requires shutting down some part of you. And it also requires continuously distracting yourself from that part of you by either staying busy or avoiding stillness. Because you know that if you get still or quiet enough, without your usual distraction, the stuff you've been running from will come to the surface.
So how does this relate to holding space for another person's suffering? Well, holding space for that person requires being present, deeply attuned, open, and having the capacity to stay with the person's pain without subconsciously trying to avoid it, which can often show up as trying to make things better for them or helping them think positive about the situation. And so if we haven't trained ourselves to hold this space for ourselves, we won't be able to hold it for another because the very presence that is required to be with another person's pain is the presence we develop by being with our own pain. And we'll subconsciously fear going into that territory with this person because we haven't yet done it with ourselves. This doesn't mean we have to have done all of our healing work in order to be useful to someone, but at the very least, we must have an awareness of where we haven't gone so that we don't let ourselves subconsciously block a person's journey of going through that themselves. And this often looks like, you know, if we're holding space for someone, we might say something like, Oh, you don't have to be sad.
Or, no, it'll be fine, don't worry. Or, how about we just go for a walk? Something that may be subtle and might even feel like it has a positive intention, but it's actually you trying to avoid the pain rather than them. And just to be clear, holding space doesn't mean we take on another person's suffering. You can have boundaries and you can be present to their pain without being consumed by it. And that's a capacity that we often first develop by doing it with ourselves.
So I hope this gives you something to think about next time you're with someone who's struggling. And the good news is that you're developing this capacity to hold space here at Mindfulness.com by going through it in your own meditation practice. So thank you for your practice and let's settle in for today's meditation.
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This is the app I turn to when I want to feel calm and loved.
- Abby
Melli has a beautiful way of guiding and reminding us of the stillness within.
- Adrienne James
I have been on a journey of healing and learning self-love. Amidst the work, I have been using the mindfulness app for the gentle reminders, guides to the moment (especially the difficult ones).
Kelly Boys offers a fresh and illuminating take on how to step out of lifelong patterns that keep snagging us.
- Tara Brach, PhD
Truly life changing. This isn't solely meditation and mindfulness...this is about striving to be the best the versions of ourselves.
- Marisa, Plus+ Member
Relaxing and assuring beyond description... thank you, Cory.
- Babs312
This is the app I turn to when I want to feel calm and loved.
- Abby
Melli has a beautiful way of guiding and reminding us of the stillness within.
- Adrienne James
I have been on a journey of healing and learning self-love. Amidst the work, I have been using the mindfulness app for the gentle reminders, guides to the moment (especially the difficult ones).
Kelly Boys offers a fresh and illuminating take on how to step out of lifelong patterns that keep snagging us.
- Tara Brach, PhD
Truly life changing. This isn't solely meditation and mindfulness...this is about striving to be the best the versions of ourselves.
- Marisa, Plus+ Member
Relaxing and assuring beyond description... thank you, Cory.
- Babs312
This is the app I turn to when I want to feel calm and loved.
- Abby
Melli has a beautiful way of guiding and reminding us of the stillness within.
- Adrienne James
I have been on a journey of healing and learning self-love. Amidst the work, I have been using the mindfulness app for the gentle reminders, guides to the moment (especially the difficult ones).
Kelly Boys offers a fresh and illuminating take on how to step out of lifelong patterns that keep snagging us.
- Tara Brach, PhD
Truly life changing. This isn't solely meditation and mindfulness...this is about striving to be the best the versions of ourselves.
- Marisa, Plus+ Member
Relaxing and assuring beyond description... thank you, Cory.
- Babs312
Shamash's guidance is a gift of wisdom to help us in our busy and stressful lives.
- Paul Gilbert, PhD, FBPsS, OBE, Centre for Compassion Research and Training, University of Derby, United Kingdom
Excellent! Cory gently guides you into internal peace.
- Steve Ericson
A necessary tool for those who feel lost.
- Piper
Just want to say a big thankyou to all involved as this has had a positive impact in my daily life 🙏 Valuable teachings that have allowed me to have a better relationship not only with those around me, but with myself. Heal ourselves and we heal the world 💫✨🌍
- Marty
I start every day with Cory or Melli for my daily practice. Including this app into my practice helps me continue to build more mental focus and understanding of my thought processes. What a welcome and powerful gift.
- Oku
Shamash's guidance is a gift of wisdom to help us in our busy and stressful lives.
- Paul Gilbert, PhD, FBPsS, OBE, Centre for Compassion Research and Training, University of Derby, United Kingdom
Excellent! Cory gently guides you into internal peace.
- Steve Ericson
A necessary tool for those who feel lost.
- Piper
Just want to say a big thankyou to all involved as this has had a positive impact in my daily life 🙏 Valuable teachings that have allowed me to have a better relationship not only with those around me, but with myself. Heal ourselves and we heal the world 💫✨🌍
- Marty
I start every day with Cory or Melli for my daily practice. Including this app into my practice helps me continue to build more mental focus and understanding of my thought processes. What a welcome and powerful gift.
- Oku
Shamash's guidance is a gift of wisdom to help us in our busy and stressful lives.
- Paul Gilbert, PhD, FBPsS, OBE, Centre for Compassion Research and Training, University of Derby, United Kingdom
Excellent! Cory gently guides you into internal peace.
- Steve Ericson
A necessary tool for those who feel lost.
- Piper
Just want to say a big thankyou to all involved as this has had a positive impact in my daily life 🙏 Valuable teachings that have allowed me to have a better relationship not only with those around me, but with myself. Heal ourselves and we heal the world 💫✨🌍
- Marty
I start every day with Cory or Melli for my daily practice. Including this app into my practice helps me continue to build more mental focus and understanding of my thought processes. What a welcome and powerful gift.
- Oku
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