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4 Keys to a Healthy Relationship

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hi, welcome back to your Daily Mindfulness. In today's session, we're going to talk about the four keys to healthy relationships. Now these four keys come from Dan. Siegel's four S's of healthy attachment, and healthy attachment is important for all forms of relationships. So I'll break these down for you.

There are four S's, and the first one is a sense of safety. Safety is important for all human beings. Whether we realize it or not in each moment where assessing for ourselves, am I safe here right now? And that can be assessed through the shelter that we have around us. If there's food available. If there's a place for us to go to the bathroom, even.

But also in our partnership, in our relationship. Do I feel okay to be myself? Can the different aspects of who I am be expressed here? Or is there a fear that if I say something or do something I'm going to be chastised? So creating that sense of safety within a relationship is absolutely foundational. Next is a sense of security. And this is our felt sense that the love and the connection is stable. That just because we might go through highs and lows doesn't mean that we're going to lose the love.

And you could think of this as a child and all the different ways that they learn who they need to be in the world in order to be loved. If they had the experience when they were young, that, you know, if they felt angry or sad or had a tantrum, that love was taken away from them, or they were punished. They learn that those parts of them aren't lovable. And then it becomes a lifelong journey of learning how to reintegrate those parts that might feel certain emotions. So the foundation of a healthy attachment and healthy relationship is feeling that the love is stable.

That who you are, even though it might fluctuate and you might have different emotions and you might have different thoughts, and you might sometimes say things that you don't mean, that I'm still here for you. And that's something we can create for another person and they can help create for us. The third S is being seen. The sense of who we are on the deepest level is known by the other. They give us our presence, we give them our presence.

And we might not get this in all of our relationships, but maybe in our more intimate relationships, our partnerships there really is a strong sense of being seen that takes the relationship to the next level and allows us to feel secure and safe within the relationship. And the fourth S is being soothed. When we're going through something difficult, are we able to feel like this person can soothe us in some way, that they can hold space for our emotions? They can tell us that it's going to be okay. That we can go to them and know that our experience is going to be held and on the other side of it, we'll feel a little bit more grounded. So these are the four S's.

Safety, security, being seen and being soothed. Something you can explore in your own relationships with your children and your partnership, something that you can help create and something others, something other people can help create for you. Hope it gives you something to think about. Thank you for your practice. Let's settle in for today's meditation.

Cory Muscara

4.7

4 Keys to a Healthy Relationship

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Duration

Your default time is based on your progress and is changed automatically as you practice.

Hi, welcome back to your Daily Mindfulness. In today's session, we're going to talk about the four keys to healthy relationships. Now these four keys come from Dan. Siegel's four S's of healthy attachment, and healthy attachment is important for all forms of relationships. So I'll break these down for you.

There are four S's, and the first one is a sense of safety. Safety is important for all human beings. Whether we realize it or not in each moment where assessing for ourselves, am I safe here right now? And that can be assessed through the shelter that we have around us. If there's food available. If there's a place for us to go to the bathroom, even.

But also in our partnership, in our relationship. Do I feel okay to be myself? Can the different aspects of who I am be expressed here? Or is there a fear that if I say something or do something I'm going to be chastised? So creating that sense of safety within a relationship is absolutely foundational. Next is a sense of security. And this is our felt sense that the love and the connection is stable. That just because we might go through highs and lows doesn't mean that we're going to lose the love.

And you could think of this as a child and all the different ways that they learn who they need to be in the world in order to be loved. If they had the experience when they were young, that, you know, if they felt angry or sad or had a tantrum, that love was taken away from them, or they were punished. They learn that those parts of them aren't lovable. And then it becomes a lifelong journey of learning how to reintegrate those parts that might feel certain emotions. So the foundation of a healthy attachment and healthy relationship is feeling that the love is stable.

That who you are, even though it might fluctuate and you might have different emotions and you might have different thoughts, and you might sometimes say things that you don't mean, that I'm still here for you. And that's something we can create for another person and they can help create for us. The third S is being seen. The sense of who we are on the deepest level is known by the other. They give us our presence, we give them our presence.

And we might not get this in all of our relationships, but maybe in our more intimate relationships, our partnerships there really is a strong sense of being seen that takes the relationship to the next level and allows us to feel secure and safe within the relationship. And the fourth S is being soothed. When we're going through something difficult, are we able to feel like this person can soothe us in some way, that they can hold space for our emotions? They can tell us that it's going to be okay. That we can go to them and know that our experience is going to be held and on the other side of it, we'll feel a little bit more grounded. So these are the four S's.

Safety, security, being seen and being soothed. Something you can explore in your own relationships with your children and your partnership, something that you can help create and something others, something other people can help create for you. Hope it gives you something to think about. Thank you for your practice. Let's settle in for today's meditation.

Cory Muscara

4.7

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