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What to Do When You Disagree

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today I'm going to talk about what to do when you disagree. So disagreements are a very normal part of life. We might have different opinions or ideas about things like how long a child should be able to play with the iPad on Saturday morning, how the housework should be done, how money should be spent or saved. We may have different political, spiritual, or environmental opinions.

Now while disagreements can be really interesting and productive, all too often, it turns into conflict and grievance. So here's three tips to help you engage in healthy disagreement with a lot less conflict and upset. Tip one, listen for understanding. Sometimes in disagreements we are unconsciously or consciously really focused on winning the debate. We want to prove our point.

But whenever we're in this mindset, we're not truly open to listening and we lose sight of the big picture. We lose sight of the opportunity to connect and grow and understand. Instead of listening to respond, focus on listening to understand, allow the other person to share their point of view and be heard. So be curious and open-minded as best you can. Don't interrupt.

Ask questions to ensure you understand their perspective fully. And don't assume anything or be too quick to judge or come to conclusions. Slow down, take your time to understand. Once you've heard the other person fully, of course, then you can share your own thoughts, but not in an attempt to necessarily change them. Just sharing from the heart and aiming to be understood.

Tip two, think win-win. When we find ourselves in disagreements over really practical things like whose turn is it to take the garbage out, how much quality time we need with our partner or our kids, et cetera, we can easily start focusing on negotiating hard to get what we want. However, it's more important to spend time thinking for the best solution that both people can win if possible, or all people. Listen carefully to each other's needs and look for ways that you can compromise while considering the needs of yourself and the other person. So remember the goal isn't to get what you want all the time.

The goal is to come to an understanding and a solution that you can both agree on. Tip three, stay curious and open-minded. We can so easily succumb to what's called defensive reasoning, where we use all of our intelligence to fault find with the opposing view to ours. So instead I invite you to adopt a curious, open-minded stance, genuinely reflecting on what they're saying. If you find yourself feeling really closed down and defensive or judgmental, try switching to a mindset of kind of, you might sound like this verbally.

Hmm, isn't that interesting. Just leaning back into the conversation. So the next time you find yourself in disagreement, remember, listen to understand, think win-win, stay open and curious. And in this way, disagreements help us develop the skills to communicate better, soften our defenses and develop our mindfulness practice. So wishing you well with this.

And as always, thank you for your practice and your presence here with us. And let's settle in now for today's meditation.

Melli O'Brien

4.7

What to Do When You Disagree

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Duration

Your default time is based on your progress and is changed automatically as you practice.

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today I'm going to talk about what to do when you disagree. So disagreements are a very normal part of life. We might have different opinions or ideas about things like how long a child should be able to play with the iPad on Saturday morning, how the housework should be done, how money should be spent or saved. We may have different political, spiritual, or environmental opinions.

Now while disagreements can be really interesting and productive, all too often, it turns into conflict and grievance. So here's three tips to help you engage in healthy disagreement with a lot less conflict and upset. Tip one, listen for understanding. Sometimes in disagreements we are unconsciously or consciously really focused on winning the debate. We want to prove our point.

But whenever we're in this mindset, we're not truly open to listening and we lose sight of the big picture. We lose sight of the opportunity to connect and grow and understand. Instead of listening to respond, focus on listening to understand, allow the other person to share their point of view and be heard. So be curious and open-minded as best you can. Don't interrupt.

Ask questions to ensure you understand their perspective fully. And don't assume anything or be too quick to judge or come to conclusions. Slow down, take your time to understand. Once you've heard the other person fully, of course, then you can share your own thoughts, but not in an attempt to necessarily change them. Just sharing from the heart and aiming to be understood.

Tip two, think win-win. When we find ourselves in disagreements over really practical things like whose turn is it to take the garbage out, how much quality time we need with our partner or our kids, et cetera, we can easily start focusing on negotiating hard to get what we want. However, it's more important to spend time thinking for the best solution that both people can win if possible, or all people. Listen carefully to each other's needs and look for ways that you can compromise while considering the needs of yourself and the other person. So remember the goal isn't to get what you want all the time.

The goal is to come to an understanding and a solution that you can both agree on. Tip three, stay curious and open-minded. We can so easily succumb to what's called defensive reasoning, where we use all of our intelligence to fault find with the opposing view to ours. So instead I invite you to adopt a curious, open-minded stance, genuinely reflecting on what they're saying. If you find yourself feeling really closed down and defensive or judgmental, try switching to a mindset of kind of, you might sound like this verbally.

Hmm, isn't that interesting. Just leaning back into the conversation. So the next time you find yourself in disagreement, remember, listen to understand, think win-win, stay open and curious. And in this way, disagreements help us develop the skills to communicate better, soften our defenses and develop our mindfulness practice. So wishing you well with this.

And as always, thank you for your practice and your presence here with us. And let's settle in now for today's meditation.

Melli O'Brien

4.7

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