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The Truth About Closure

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today, I'm going to talk about closure. So sometimes we have certain issues from our past that we feel like we haven't quite moved on from. Something feels a little unresolved. And we might think that if we can just get something from another person, you know, an apology, an explanation, forgiveness, accountability for what they did, some actions to make amends, you know, then we could get closure.

The problem with that, with all of these, is that these are all things that we can't control. But the good news is that that's okay because closure doesn't actually involve anyone else. But you. A couple of years ago, I had a falling out with a friend and I had enormous grief over it. I didn't feel like I had closure for a really long time and it consumed me.

I needed her to not hate me. I needed her to understand. I needed to say, sorry. I needed her to say sorry. I needed her to be accountable for her actions.

But when none of that was possible, I felt like I couldn't move on. After a while I realized how detrimental, stressful and debilitating it was to hold on to all of that. I realized I had to find my own peace with things. And I began the process of finding closure in myself. What I realized is that closure really is an inner process and it doesn't really require anything of the other person.

But I think the most important thing to realize is that you're not really closing something, you're healing something. Although the word closure feels really convenient, you know, very neat and tidy and final like closing a door. The reality is, is that you're wanting to heal something. And healing is not so black and white. Healing's often messy and non-linear.

There are times when we feel fine and other days where all the pain resurfaces, and it always takes longer than we want it to. But if we can be patient and gentle, compassionate with ourselves in the process, instead of trying to push that door of healing closed, then we can bring soothing and comfort and love to ourselves in the middle of it all. And you know, we're actually likely to heal much faster this way. Now some things you could do to support your healing along the way are setting healthy boundaries with others. So that might involve cutting off communication with someone for a while to let go of an attachment or an unhelpful relationship.

It might mean not following people on social media or asking for what you need to help you move forward. Other helpful things you could do, talk with a friend, a therapist, and also really put your focus on embracing the life that you have in front of you with your whole heart. You know, maybe trying new hobbies, making new friends, doing things you really love. All of this can be really helpful, but the main thing is to be patient with yourself, allow healing to happen step-by-step, and know that you can still choose to live fully in the present, even if you're carrying a little bit of pain from the past. So as always, thank you for your practice and your presence here with us.

And now let's settling for today's meditation.

Melli O'Brien

4.8

The Truth About Closure

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Duration

Your default time is based on your progress and is changed automatically as you practice.

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today, I'm going to talk about closure. So sometimes we have certain issues from our past that we feel like we haven't quite moved on from. Something feels a little unresolved. And we might think that if we can just get something from another person, you know, an apology, an explanation, forgiveness, accountability for what they did, some actions to make amends, you know, then we could get closure.

The problem with that, with all of these, is that these are all things that we can't control. But the good news is that that's okay because closure doesn't actually involve anyone else. But you. A couple of years ago, I had a falling out with a friend and I had enormous grief over it. I didn't feel like I had closure for a really long time and it consumed me.

I needed her to not hate me. I needed her to understand. I needed to say, sorry. I needed her to say sorry. I needed her to be accountable for her actions.

But when none of that was possible, I felt like I couldn't move on. After a while I realized how detrimental, stressful and debilitating it was to hold on to all of that. I realized I had to find my own peace with things. And I began the process of finding closure in myself. What I realized is that closure really is an inner process and it doesn't really require anything of the other person.

But I think the most important thing to realize is that you're not really closing something, you're healing something. Although the word closure feels really convenient, you know, very neat and tidy and final like closing a door. The reality is, is that you're wanting to heal something. And healing is not so black and white. Healing's often messy and non-linear.

There are times when we feel fine and other days where all the pain resurfaces, and it always takes longer than we want it to. But if we can be patient and gentle, compassionate with ourselves in the process, instead of trying to push that door of healing closed, then we can bring soothing and comfort and love to ourselves in the middle of it all. And you know, we're actually likely to heal much faster this way. Now some things you could do to support your healing along the way are setting healthy boundaries with others. So that might involve cutting off communication with someone for a while to let go of an attachment or an unhelpful relationship.

It might mean not following people on social media or asking for what you need to help you move forward. Other helpful things you could do, talk with a friend, a therapist, and also really put your focus on embracing the life that you have in front of you with your whole heart. You know, maybe trying new hobbies, making new friends, doing things you really love. All of this can be really helpful, but the main thing is to be patient with yourself, allow healing to happen step-by-step, and know that you can still choose to live fully in the present, even if you're carrying a little bit of pain from the past. So as always, thank you for your practice and your presence here with us.

And now let's settling for today's meditation.

Melli O'Brien

4.8

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