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The 0/100 Principle

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today we're going to explore the 0/100 principle. So I heard about the 0/100 principle from author Al Ritter who's written a book about this. The 0/100 principle is something that's applied to our relationships with others. And the basic the idea is that we take full responsibility for our part in the relationship, the 100%.

And we don't expect anything in return for giving our 100%. Zero. We just give without expectations. So this idea of full responsibility means that really we're just aiming to bring our best selves into the relationship, no matter what happens. In implementing this principle is something that sounds simple, but it's not natural for most of us.

It's really common, you know, to become resentful. If someone says an unkind word to reciprocate in kind with anger or judgment, if that's what somebody does to us first. Or to just write people off if they do or say something we don't like. So in these cases, our kindness and care are conditional on what the other person does rather than on who we would like to be in the relationship and in ourselves. It often takes quite a lot of self-discipline and commitment to try to be the bigger person.

You know, to not be reactive when somebody else is, to take responsibility for making amends first, to be kind when another person's made a mistake or being reactive or nasty in some way. By taking 100% responsibility, we're basically aiming to give unconditional respect and kindness to the other person, whether or not we believe that he or she deserves it. Now when we talk about not expecting anything in return that does not mean that we just become a doormat and have no boundaries. Absolutely not. We can still draw very firm and clear boundaries on how we would like to be treated and take action if it's needed.

But we can do that with kindness and respect, without judgment, blaming or shaming. So with all of that in mind, we aim to be persistent with our patience and kindness, even when somebody else is being really annoying, rude, or nasty. And if the relationship, despite us giving 100% is still really, really challenging or even toxic, the invitation is to avoid adopting that kind of knower mindset that thinks and says things like I'm right, and you're wrong. I know what's true, and you don't. I need to tell you what I know or you're just one of those people.

And we switch that to a learner mindset that thinks and says things like, let me try to understand this situation. I could be wrong. I wonder if there's anything else I could learn here. So in other words, you want to, as best you can, stay out of being defensive and stay open and curious. So if any of this resonates with you, I invite you to try out this 0/100 principle in your life today and ongoing and just see how it goes for you.

I know in my own life, it's been a source of a lot of connection and joy. So as always, thank you for your practice and your presence here with us. And inviting you now to begin to settle in for today's meditation.

Melli O'Brien

4.7

The 0/100 Principle

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Duration

Your default time is based on your progress and is changed automatically as you practice.

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today we're going to explore the 0/100 principle. So I heard about the 0/100 principle from author Al Ritter who's written a book about this. The 0/100 principle is something that's applied to our relationships with others. And the basic the idea is that we take full responsibility for our part in the relationship, the 100%.

And we don't expect anything in return for giving our 100%. Zero. We just give without expectations. So this idea of full responsibility means that really we're just aiming to bring our best selves into the relationship, no matter what happens. In implementing this principle is something that sounds simple, but it's not natural for most of us.

It's really common, you know, to become resentful. If someone says an unkind word to reciprocate in kind with anger or judgment, if that's what somebody does to us first. Or to just write people off if they do or say something we don't like. So in these cases, our kindness and care are conditional on what the other person does rather than on who we would like to be in the relationship and in ourselves. It often takes quite a lot of self-discipline and commitment to try to be the bigger person.

You know, to not be reactive when somebody else is, to take responsibility for making amends first, to be kind when another person's made a mistake or being reactive or nasty in some way. By taking 100% responsibility, we're basically aiming to give unconditional respect and kindness to the other person, whether or not we believe that he or she deserves it. Now when we talk about not expecting anything in return that does not mean that we just become a doormat and have no boundaries. Absolutely not. We can still draw very firm and clear boundaries on how we would like to be treated and take action if it's needed.

But we can do that with kindness and respect, without judgment, blaming or shaming. So with all of that in mind, we aim to be persistent with our patience and kindness, even when somebody else is being really annoying, rude, or nasty. And if the relationship, despite us giving 100% is still really, really challenging or even toxic, the invitation is to avoid adopting that kind of knower mindset that thinks and says things like I'm right, and you're wrong. I know what's true, and you don't. I need to tell you what I know or you're just one of those people.

And we switch that to a learner mindset that thinks and says things like, let me try to understand this situation. I could be wrong. I wonder if there's anything else I could learn here. So in other words, you want to, as best you can, stay out of being defensive and stay open and curious. So if any of this resonates with you, I invite you to try out this 0/100 principle in your life today and ongoing and just see how it goes for you.

I know in my own life, it's been a source of a lot of connection and joy. So as always, thank you for your practice and your presence here with us. And inviting you now to begin to settle in for today's meditation.

Melli O'Brien

4.7

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